Through previous experience I have found that far too many people "sit on the fence" so to speak when it comes to making a decision about something in their lives and more so when the decision involves a total lifestyle change like pursuing their inner most desires of delving into this lifestyle of ours known as Domination and submission. Sometimes they have a lot to loose in leaving their past life behind, maybe including family or spouse and that decision is generally a very traumatic one. I have have seen this turmoil many times but with almost the same result.

The important thing is to make a decision regardless of which one it is. Making a choice often means forgoing one of the options, and the consequences of deciding can be paralysing. Decision making is not hard it's not the decision but rather what actions and thoughts you take once the decision is made that is important. Don't think of a decision as final act and then leave things to fate ... see it as the first small step along the path you control. You can make it a good decision simply by your attitude, thoughts and actions. You have the power to make it a good decision without needing to rely on anyone. It’s your determination to succeed and to be who you must within yourself that will lead you on the road to success.

Let me explain further: There are four steps a person can take when they are faced with the fact that they are submissive or dominant and their partner is neither.

First they can suppress their desires and try to "forget about it", get on with their lives as best they can. Sounds good in theory but I have found that the desire usually continues to grow despite the best intentions of the person having them and sooner or later those desires become too strong and the urge to act upon them impossible to resist.

Secondly they can attempt to educate their partner into the lifestyle, but success is a rarity. The partner may be interested for a short time with the thought of adventurous or somewhat kinky sex but that interest soon wains if they don’t experience the dominant or submissive feelings to complement their spouse.

Thirdly they can stay in the relationship and try to fulfil their desires on a "part time" basis elsewhere, either with or with out the knowledge of their spouse. In nearly all cases following this path usually leads to friction and turmoil for one or both parties. The end result in most cases a separation of ways leading to divorce.

Forth is to realise that this is who you really want to be and make the decision to follow your desires regardless of the cost. Once the decision is made you then take the steps needed to turn your decision into the reality you are looking for.

Now for the hard truth. Statistically speaking, in most cases the person experiencing their desires to pursue this lifestyle ends up at step four sooner or later. Some make the transition reasonably quickly trying to keep the emotional stress to a minimum while others try to reconcile it within themselves and usually create an environment of emotional stress that finally gets too much for one or the other and a separation occurs. The internal battle can rage for years before the breaking point is reached. Which kind of person are you ... only you can decide, but whether you are dominant or submissive take the direct route or the long way round, you are still who you are and have the need to be who you must in order to gain inner peace and with a little luck, happiness as well.

Only you can make the decision regarding your future. Should you decide to pursue your D/s interests, the next step is where do you go now ... but that’s another story. You may find some of the information on these pages to be helpful to you in your quest. Whatever direction you choose be well, be safe and strive to be happy.